Jokes

[Vicky&Phil]

A couple were driving to a fancy dress party when their car broke down in the middle of nowhere. Despite being dressed as a cow and a bull they began the long walk to get help. They decided to take a short cut across a field but halfway across they heard a noise, turning round they saw a massive bull charging towards them.
"What are we going to do?" shrieked the wife.
The husband repied, "Well I am going to bend down and pretend to eat grass. My dear,I suggest you brace yourself!"

Vicky

[taz]

Rude jokes?? How far can we go ?

[bradsd01]

I hope that this isn't too rude......

My "friend" said to me yesterday......

' I nearly called you the other day. I was in Sainsbury's and I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread, then I realised that it said "thick cut" '

He is no longer a friend......

[Paul Bishopp]

Allyson ! and I thought you were a lady.
I was driving up the M5 last week and a motorcyclist pulled alongside me at 75 mph.
In his left hand he had a cigarette and asked for a light.
What, I said, you'll kill yourself.
No I only smoke 5 a day he says.

I'm not posting risque jokes as I quite like it here on this forum

[Ghilliegumdrop]

Spoil sport
Hang on guys, I'll just go and get my little book

[PeterB]

As this is a dog related forum.......

What is the difference between a man and a cocker spaniel?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wait for it
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The man wears trousers and the cocker spaniel just pants

[PeterB]

On the subject of pants........


A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man and I wear the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Heck," he said, "I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to be until your attitude changes!"

[taz]

Ok i'll risk a rudish one. Might end up in the tower but what the hell

Camilla complained to the Queen that each time she performed oral sex on Charles she got acid indigestion.

The Queen replied, " Has one tried Andrew's ? "

[Greyghost]

[Paul Bishopp]

Prince Charles and Princess Di on a tour in the early days of their marriage.
They have spent a long couple of days visiting various places and attending lunches and dinners.
They have had little time to be intimate and on the way home Charles is feeling frisky and begs his
wife for a quickie in the back of the car.We can't she says we don't have any protection.
Not wishing to let the moment pass, Charles gets the chauffeur to pull over and dashes into a shop.
Please can one have a packet of condoms he says to the assistant.
This is Halfords mate says the spotty oik behind the counter.
Well the says Charles
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Give me a coil for a '63 Princess