I'm dreaming of a white christmas
But if we run out of white i'll drink the red.
Jokes
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Bogtrotter
- Member
- Posts: 1486
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:51 pm
- Dogs: Nénu (Barbet) & Fraser (working Clumber)
- Location: West Wales
- Contact:
Re: Jokes
Flu...
To avoid it...
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim,
Take the stairs instead of the lift, etc.
Wash your hands often.
If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.
OR ........
Take the doctor's approach. Think about it...
When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first?
They clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So...
I walk to the pub. (exercise)
I put lime in my vodka...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...
If you keep your alcohol levels up,
Flu germs can't get you!
REMEMBER:
'A shot in the glass
Is better than one in the ass!'
To avoid it...
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim,
Take the stairs instead of the lift, etc.
Wash your hands often.
If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.
OR ........
Take the doctor's approach. Think about it...
When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first?
They clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So...
I walk to the pub. (exercise)
I put lime in my vodka...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...
If you keep your alcohol levels up,
Flu germs can't get you!
REMEMBER:
'A shot in the glass
Is better than one in the ass!'
General Dogsbody
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canismajor
- Member
- Posts: 176
- Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 4:48 pm
- Location: north west
Re: Jokes
A man goes into the chemists, approaching the counter he takes a jar of liquid from his pocket and asks the chemist to taste it for him, this the chemist does, does it taste sweet enquires the man? No, saays the chemist, thats a relief the man says, the doctor told me to bring a sample to the chemist, to check for sugar in my urine!
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James
- Member
- Posts: 3080
- Joined: Mon May 24, 2010 4:15 pm
- Location: Worcestershire/Herefordshire border
- Contact:
Re: Jokes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... Z3lw-eNrFk
Not a joke but bloody funny alll the same
Not a joke but bloody funny alll the same
If it was easy it wouldn't be so much fun.
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trekmoor
- Member
- Posts: 16074
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:38 am
- Dogs: Too many and not enough !
- Location: Central Scotland
Re: Jokes
Yer depraved ya bugger ! Wullie
If at first you don't succeed .....find out if there is a booby prize !
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Don't do what doesn't work - do what does.
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Don't do what doesn't work - do what does.
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