Rascal
Jokes
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trekmoor
- Member
- Posts: 16074
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:38 am
- Dogs: Too many and not enough !
- Location: Central Scotland
Re: Jokes
No - I was stating a fact not an opinion ! 
Wullie
Wullie
If at first you don't succeed .....find out if there is a booby prize !
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Don't do what doesn't work - do what does.
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Don't do what doesn't work - do what does.
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trekmoor
- Member
- Posts: 16074
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:38 am
- Dogs: Too many and not enough !
- Location: Central Scotland
Re: Jokes
I was multi -tasking ! 
Wullie
Wullie
If at first you don't succeed .....find out if there is a booby prize !
-----------------------------------------------------
Don't do what doesn't work - do what does.
.
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Don't do what doesn't work - do what does.
.
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Ghilliegumdrop
- Member
- Posts: 817
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:12 am
- Dogs: Ghillie and Merlin
- Location: Herts
Re: Jokes
Q. Why do only 10% of men go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went it would be hell.
Pinocchio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. 'Every time we make love,' she said, 'I get splinters.' So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice.
'Sandpaper,' said the carpenter. 'That's what you need.'
So Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. A few weeks later the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
'How are you getting on with the girld now?' he asked.
'Who needs girls?. said Pinocchio.
A. Because if they all went it would be hell.
Pinocchio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. 'Every time we make love,' she said, 'I get splinters.' So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice.
'Sandpaper,' said the carpenter. 'That's what you need.'
So Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. A few weeks later the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
'How are you getting on with the girld now?' he asked.
'Who needs girls?. said Pinocchio.
Me, Ghillie the Champion, Merlin the Mad. Brittanys were bred as poachers dogs.....They were an extension of the old rogue's arm, trained to look innocent and unprepossessing, all the time plotting, thinking, scheming to make game!
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trekmoor
- Member
- Posts: 16074
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:38 am
- Dogs: Too many and not enough !
- Location: Central Scotland
Re: Jokes
Oh Jeeeeeeeeeezzz 
She's been allowed back into the country 
Just when I was getting comfy !
Hi Jan
Wullie
She's been allowed back into the country Just when I was getting comfy !Hi Jan
Wullie
If at first you don't succeed .....find out if there is a booby prize !
-----------------------------------------------------
Don't do what doesn't work - do what does.
.
-----------------------------------------------------
Don't do what doesn't work - do what does.
.
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Ghilliegumdrop
- Member
- Posts: 817
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:12 am
- Dogs: Ghillie and Merlin
- Location: Herts
Re: Jokes
I see you haven't lost your touch Bill
Me, Ghillie the Champion, Merlin the Mad. Brittanys were bred as poachers dogs.....They were an extension of the old rogue's arm, trained to look innocent and unprepossessing, all the time plotting, thinking, scheming to make game!
Re: Jokes
If you are a senior you will understand this one - especially if you've
been to Florida. If you deal with seniors this should help you
understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior
yet........God willing, someday you will be......
The $2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents
because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked
incredulously.
'YES!!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and
baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
been to Florida. If you deal with seniors this should help you
understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior
yet........God willing, someday you will be......
The $2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents
because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked
incredulously.
'YES!!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and
baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
In life, it is important to know when to stop arguing with people and simply let them be wrong.
Re: Jokes
PHOTO ON THE DRESSING TABLE!
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's dressing table.
He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. 'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear 'That's just me before the surgery.'
Rascal
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's dressing table.
He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. 'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear 'That's just me before the surgery.'
Rascal
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cornishbirdabroad
- Member
- Posts: 195
- Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 8:54 pm
- Dogs: Herbie
- Location: Somerset
Re: Jokes
Found this:
The Dogs Party
The dogs all had a party They came from near and far. Some dogs came by taxi And others came by car.
Each dog signed his name upon a special book And each dog hung his backside upon a special hook.
One dog was not invited, And this aroused his ire. He stormed into the party And loudly shouted "FIRE!"
And in the chaos that followed, The dogs forgot to look And grabbed just any backside From off of any hook.
So that is the real reason. whenever they meet or roam, They sniff each others' backside, To try and find their own!
The Dogs Party
The dogs all had a party They came from near and far. Some dogs came by taxi And others came by car.
Each dog signed his name upon a special book And each dog hung his backside upon a special hook.
One dog was not invited, And this aroused his ire. He stormed into the party And loudly shouted "FIRE!"
And in the chaos that followed, The dogs forgot to look And grabbed just any backside From off of any hook.
So that is the real reason. whenever they meet or roam, They sniff each others' backside, To try and find their own!
The Squirt