Things we hate to hear on shoots

[trekmoor]

One of my pet hates is when someone tells me to go somewhere that may be obvious to him but is not obvious to me. Where plants are concerned I know the three "D's" ....daisies, dandelions and daffodils and I am even worse when it comes to being sure which trees are what ! Instructions like "meet me at the high larches" leave me standing there totally bewildered.

Wullie

[Ada C]

"My dog doesn't need to be told to go - he knows when the bird is down"

[Old dog]

Get on find it where is it fetch it find it where is it, basically to much verbal when sweeping up . there is always one or two that keep up a constant stream of verbal when working there dogs ,dont they realise they are desensitising there dogs to there voice god i hate it

[greeno]

"Has anyone seen gun number 7?" Yes, really! We did manage to leave a gun behind

you only lost one gun?

This year we lost them all. Beaters lined up one drive, guns lined up on another....

There was a lot of swearing from the keeper..

[Judy]

That happened at the last FT I watched, the best dog there got fed up after half an hour sitting in line doing nothing and got put out for whinging. Had she not been in line she would likely have walked that Trial. Sad.

[lee-kinsman]

Conversations that I hate having are..........

Gun: Can you put your dog over here? I have two birds down.
Me: Are they dead?
Gun: Yeah, stone dead in the air.
Me: Where abouts did you mark them?
Gun: Somewhere between this tree and that tree but definately not as far as the next tree, might also be in the rape on the other side.
Me: Which side of the dyke?
Gun: Don't know, put your dogs on both sides, it might even be in the water.
Me: Which peg were you on?
Gun: That one over there, thought I'd have a look for them first.

Really winds me up when guns move off the peg, expect your dog to search beyond the horizon and if and when you find a bird they look at your dog who's hanging out of it's arse like it should have done so much of a better job. Interestingly it's always the guns that don't have a dog and won't have one because they don't need one.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggh!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lee-kinsman]

And another one. A bird is down over a river or other obstacle. One handler insists on sending his untrained trained dog. "Back, get on, get over, back, good dog, get on, back, get on, good dog, get over." This will go on for about 10 mins while the dog wags like mad and runs 15-20 yard circles in front of the handler. After which the handler will then give up, bollock the dog and move on.

You can be certain that this display will be insisted upon at least once every week but you can't say anything because he's the shoot owners special guest.

[Judy]

I love that one because you can send your own dog straight over to pick the bird. The biggest put down of them all.

I think my favourite comment of all time was "I dropped a runner over by the trees" I was very good and didn't say "But Sir, we are standing in the middle of a wood" very conscious of the fact he was paying me to have fun at his expense for the next ten years...

[macbud]

Chocolate Labradors aren't real lab's , heard this from picker up before I had opened back door of my car to let my chocolate out . Had last laugh at end of a drive when he picked a wounded duck the picker up in questions two black labs couldn't find .

[Matt]

Heard from another picker up just after I grumble at my dog for nipping away from heel to say Hi to someone's bitch: "It's just because she's in season" as I finally understand why mine has been off his game all day.

Shortly followed by "oh don't worry - she only came in this morning" because that apparently makes it ok