Gundog Training Forum

Not a joke but a true story that made me laugh -
A friend's father in law was at a do with a lot of people he didn't know, as he was sat with a bunch of similar vintage they began to discuss their respective parts in the war, they went around the table saying what they had done to hasten Hitler's downfall and none of it was very exciting - finally they came to my friend's fil , I am told the conversation went like this:

Questioner So what did you do in the war?

FFIL I was a fighter pilot

Q Wow, were you in the Battle of Britain?

FFIL Yes!

Q Marvellous, one of the few, magnificent, fantastic, Spitfire or Hurricane?

FFIL Messerschmitt 109

Apparently it all went a bit quiet then!!

This guy just started at his new job, working at a p.rno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and asks if he can handle it. The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss’s positive comments he finally agrees. 
A few minutes later a white woman walks in and asks, “How much for the white dildo?” 


He answers, “$35.” 


White Woman: “How much for the black one?” 


Guy: “$35 for the black one, they are the same price.” 
She: “I think I’ll take the black one. I’ve never had a black one before.” She pays him, and off she goes.

A little while later a black woman comes in and asks “How much for the black dildo?”


Guy: “$35.”


Black Woman: “How much for the white one?” 


Guy: “$35 for the white one also, they are the same price.”


Black Woman: “Hmmm…I think I’ll take the white one. I’ve never had a white one before…” She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, “How much are your dildos?” 


Guy: “$35 for the white, $35 for the black.”


Blonde: “Hmmm….how much is that plaid one on the shelf?” 


Guy: “Well, that’s a very special dildo…it’ll cost you $150.” 
She thinks for a moment and answers, “I’ll take the plaid one, I’ve never had a plaid one before….” She pays him, and off she goes.

Finally, the guy’s boss returns and asks, “How did you do while I was gone?” The salesman responded,

Guy: “I think I did pretty good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $150!”

Trust you Jan ! You have just made me choke on my black puddin' roll !

Wullie

Another truish story so I am told,

A chap was out with his wife who had a small fluffy toy dog, it was a hot sunny day and he was wearing sun specs. After a bit he was bored of traipsing round the clothes shops so his wife tells him to go to the pub and he should take her dog with him.
He gets to the pub gets a pint and sits down, after a few minutes the manager appears and informs him that they do not allow dogs in the bar. Quick thinking the chap tells the manager it is a guide dog, the manager replies that guide dogs are usually labradors
Chap replies "Yes, why what have they given me?"

Good to see you back Jan, started my day off perfectly
Driving through RWB today I pulled up behind a Disco which had a sticker on the back with the same theme:

My other toy uses batteries

and underneath

With tits like these who needs brains

Nice car

Corbyn and Johnson decide to take a walk in the park with Boris’s Black Lab to clear the air regarding their differing political views.

After a nice stroll things were going well so Jeremy thought it a nice idea if they popped into the local pub for a pint, to which Boris agreed. They bought a couple of pints and had just started drinking, when this total stranger walked up to the Lab, and without saying a word, lifted it’s tail and had a look. Both Jeremy and Boris were most perplexed thinking it was some kind of local tradition.

Well, it happened again, different bloke same thing......And again! Boris is now getting a little annoyed, so he turned to Jeremy “The next time that happens, I am dammed well going to ask what is going on” low and behold, within a minute another stranger walked up to the Lab, lifted its tail and had a look. “Look here that man, what on earth is going on here with my dog” said Boris rather belligerently. The stranger turned back and explained “There is a bloke outside the pub telling everyone there is a black dog in here with two arseholes”

Actually not sure this qualifies as a joke but the ladies will get it;

"If you give a man a cookie he'll ask for some milk to go with it...God forbid he should get it himself"

Laura Numeroff

A bit of a shaggy dog story so I have cut it down a bit but it made me laugh:

The worlds expert on wasps,WEOW, is walking through town and spots a record in a shop window "Wasps Sounds of the World" for sale. He has never seen this so goes in and arranges to buy it but asks if he can hear some of it. "Of course" the shop owner replies and puts it on the turntable. After the first track the WEOW shakes his head and says he doesn't know that one and asks to hear the second track, same result, this goes on for a few more tracks with the WEOW getting more confused as he doesn't recognise any of them. Eventually the shop owner looks carefully at the record and says

"Sorry, my mistake I put the B side on"